It was a beautiful sunny day in my safe, suburban neighborhood. I was a freshman in high school. It was lunch time and I was with a large group of kids, across the street from our high school. We were hanging out, like we always did, behind the restaurant, next to a busy 7-11. We were all enjoying the beautiful weather, laughing and talking, when one of the boys whispered to another one and suddenly I was thrown into the air by three boys. Two of them grabbed my arms and the third one, the instigator, grabbed my legs. I had known these boys since first grade so I laughed and asked them to put me down, thinking they were playing around. But I was wrong. They weren’t playing, they were trying to rape me.
I watched as all the other kids, ten or more, walked quietly away. The three boys, Danny, Mark and Pete, laid me down on an open old sleeper sofa, with just the springs exposed. Some of the kids had dragged it back there so they would have something to sit on while they ate lunch. Danny climbed on top of me and Pete and Mark each held, well actually pulled, on my arms like a rope. I knew I was in trouble. I was pulled spread eagle by the two boys and had another boy sitting over my hips. I didn’t have much to fight with but when I realized what they were doing I was so angry that my fight reflexes kicked in and I began fighting back, bucking over and over again, while swearing, fuck you, you piece of crap, you god dam mother fuckers and screaming at them. I told them I was going to kill them. The whole time Danny was busy removing my top and bra, I never stopped fighting and swearing. Then he tried to take off my jeans.
I was so furious, that Danny finally tired of all the fighting, as well as his inability to unbutton my jeans, so he climbed off of me saying, “It’s someone else’s turn.” I was wearing three inch wooden healed clogs at the time and when Danny got up, I whipped my leg over my head and kicked Mark in the head. He dropped my arm and said, “I think I hear someone coming.” And they all ran away.
I was left there alone and shocked. I buttoned my blouse and went out to face the kids who had knowingly left me there to be raped. I saw one “friend” and just looked at him and said, “thanks a lot!” Then I walked back to my school, afraid, humiliated and shocked that the world was so awful. I played the scene over and over in my head and couldn’t believe what had just happened to me, in broad daylight, with all those people around.
I called my mom to pick me up after school because I wouldn’t get on the bus. I didn’t tell her why until I got home.
That night my dad and my brother went to each boy’s house and told them individually, in front of their sobbing mothers, that if they ever touched me again they would kill them.
What I learned that day: I learned that I could NEVER EVER count on anyone to help or save me. EVER!!!!! That I was not safe, and never would be! That no female/woman was safe. That I was on my own and would always be the only one I could count on.
I was happy that I fought back. Women never know how they will respond to the awful things men do to them. I was relieved to know I fought and I felt stronger because I did. I had not been raped by those fucking bastards. I had saved myself. But I know that each horrifying circumstance is different.
And it is NEVER the woman’s fault, NOT EVER, no matter how many morons tell you it is. And friends and strangers will try to put the blame on you, just like they did with me.
I did absolutely nothing to encourage them to do that to me.
What a messed up world this is. Many of my friends kid themselves and believe that they are safe, but I never do. Any man can turn on you at any time, no matter who they are, no matter how long you’ve know them, at work, in a hall, at night or in broad daylight. It could be your boss, your uncle, your best friend’s dad, a boyfriend or a stranger. And everyone will blame the girl or woman, no matter what her age.
Males in our country take away girls and woman’s sense of safety and security every minute of every day. But males write, interpret and enforce the laws and they like to abuse women and children, so little to nothing is done about the atrocities that take place. And until OTHER MALES hold the rapists, wife beaters and child abusers accountable for what they do, nothing will ever change. So I implore the men out there to stand up for the girls and women they know and love. And to stand up for the millions of other females you don’t know. Take a stand, talk about it, with your friends and sons, work to get the laws changed so that RAPE and the ABUSE of WOMEN and CHILDREN BECOME CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY, because that’s exactly what they are.
The boys who did that to me are adults now. Some of them have daughters. I wonder how they would feel if someone did that to their girls.
Artists4Peace 